he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
nutella sex= disaster
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
