i just had sex bonerless
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
