So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
