Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
