I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
