I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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