hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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