I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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