Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
