There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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