Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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