my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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