I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
