Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
