Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
