i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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