My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
