when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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