I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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