i wish my penis had a tongue
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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