If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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