Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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