it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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