I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
