I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
