her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
