Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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