just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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