whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
