You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
