Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
