i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sex in a hospital.. check
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