part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
