I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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