I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
