I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
