So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
