i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
