I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
