I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
