honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize