I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize