Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
