my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize