I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So many bounce houses so little time
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
