I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
