Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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