I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
