i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
