next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
