no, he came in my armpit
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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