I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone came in the potted fern
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
