exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize