I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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