East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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