I feel great
I just peed on a car
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
