I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
