did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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