That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
