were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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