So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
