he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
